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Limericks

Mar 17, 2018
Originally published on March 17, 2018 10:17 am
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our first ever show for kids. It's WAIT WAIT... Junior, all the fun and games of WAIT WAIT... Senior but for an even more immature audience. That's happening March 31 at the Athenaeum Theatre back home in Chicago. Hi. You are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

AMY MANTIS: Hi. This Amy Mantis calling from Boston, Mass.

SAGAL: Hey, Boston.

(APPLAUSE)

MANTIS: Yeah.

SAGAL: Amy, to your knowledge - I don't know how this works here in Connecticut - but do people from Connecticut hate people from Massachusetts or not? No. They say no.

MANTIS: I don't think so.

SAGAL: They say no. They say no. So what do you do there in Boston?

MANTIS: I play guitar and sing and write songs for my band.

SAGAL: Oh, really?

MANTIS: Yeah. We are called Space Between. You can go to spacebetweenmusic.com to hear more.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Do you need a tuba player?

HELEN HONG: Good plug.

SAGAL: Have you noticed a raft of tuba thefts around the country? - because we've heard about that.

MANTIS: I have not. But this is a delightful thing to hear about. I mean, I don't understand how you steal a tuba.

SAGAL: Yeah, exactly.

MANTIS: They're large.

SAGAL: Very carefully.

HONG: Tom Bodett has a theory.

TOM BODETT: I got a plan.

HONG: Yeah, he's got a plan.

MANTIS: Oh, you have a plan? Oh, boy.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: He mapped it out for us.

SAGAL: Well, Amy, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to perform for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a winner. You ready to play?

MANTIS: I was born ready.

SAGAL: Hey. Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: Just one sip, and my thinking is clear. I'll do warrior II without fear. Like a mountain, I stand with a mug in each hand. My yoga class comes with a...

MANTIS: Beer.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Beer yoga classes.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Part of our continuing coverage of weird yoga here at WAIT WAIT... - beer yoga classes are popping up in breweries around the country. Students sip and hold their beer while holding poses - you know, downward-facing dog, warrior I, frat boy II.

(LAUGHTER)

MO ROCCA: And so if it's hot yoga, it must smell disgusting afterwards.

SAGAL: Nothing worse than warm beer and hot yoga. The students are really good at it. One guy, after a few classes, managed to hold the corpse pose for hours.

BODETT: You know, I take a yoga class couple of times a week. And people are always, like, kicking over their water bottles and chai tea in the mason jars and all that. I mean, if those were mugs of beer, I mean, it would be disgusting.

HONG: Yeah, it would be gross. My problem with it is that whenever I take regular yoga, I have to fart every time. And if I was drinking beer, I would have to fart three times as much. So I'm guessing this is a very farty yoga classes.

SAGAL: On the other hand, the other students wouldn't care so much because they'd be drunk.

HONG: Yeah. That's true.

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: With close relatives, this place is buzzing. And I love them all right. Well, who doesn't? And this new study shows it's OK to propose. So I think I'll just bury my...

MANTIS: ...Cousin.

SAGAL: Yes, cousin.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Great news, West Virginia. New research in the journal Science says that marrying your cousin is not really that big of a deal genetically speaking. And on top of that, it makes every day of married life a family reunion.

BODETT: Did the Habspurgs know this?

SAGAL: I don't know. Genealogist Yaniv Erlich (ph) says he did the study for purely scientific reasons and not for anything gross, OK, Emily?

ROCCA: But wait - so that if you marry - what's the...

SAGAL: Well, people have always said that if you marry your cousin that's bad because we all know that marrying a close family member is a problem because the children have genetic defects, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera - thus, the Habsburgs. But apparently, he did an analysis. And your genes are different enough from a first cousin. So it's really not a problem.

BODETT: Well, then why the Habsburgs?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, there's a reason. Because you can do it, but your children should not do it because at that point, there starts to be enough genetic replication that you start running into those problems. So basically, you want your kids to follow in your footsteps but not when you go to Aunt Laura's house. Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: He's my boss. And I cannot say, screw you. So I'll give him a magical booboo. When he goes down the hall, I will whip out my doll and perform a quick hex with my...

MANTIS: ...Voodoo.

SAGAL: Yes, voodoo.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The voodoo that you do so well - a new study out of Canada shows that disgruntled employees who took their anger out on voodoo dolls made to look like their bosses reported feeling less frustration and scored higher on cognitive tests.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The bosses, on the other hand, reported an increased rate of sudden unexplained pain in their necks.

HONG: Wow.

SAGAL: This is great when you're finding your next job, you know? Tell me about a time when you overcame adversity in the workplace using black magic.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Amy do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Amy could write a song about this one. She won it all.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Amy.

(APPLAUSE)

MANTIS: Yeah. Thank you.

SAGAL: Well done.

MANTIS: Thank you so much.

(SOUNDBITE OF JIMI HENDRIX'S "VOODOO CHILD (SLIGHT RETURN)" Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.