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Limericks

Jun 23, 2018
Originally published on June 23, 2018 1:39 pm
Copyright 2018 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website, waitwait@npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

TARA DAIRMAN: Hi, this is Tara Dairman in Austin, Texas.

SAGAL: Hey, how are things in Austin?

DAIRMAN: Just a balmy, 93 degrees.

SAGAL: Oh, it's great. Nothing like Austin in the summer, I know. Well, what do you do in Austin?

DAIRMAN: I am a children's book author. I have published four novels for kids ages 8 to 12.

SAGAL: That's really great.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Do you know, as somebody who writes books for them, what kids 8 to 12 are most interested in?

DAIRMAN: I hope that they're interested in food because my books are foodie adventures.

SAGAL: Really?

ALONZO BODDEN: Do you think you could take time out from these children's books and write a specific children's book called "How to Be President?"

(APPLAUSE)

BODDEN: Because we got a guy.

SAGAL: Tara, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. You ready to play?

DAIRMAN: I'm ready.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: Avocado friends, bubble tea sippers. We stiff buskers, baristas and strippers. No dollar bills slip from our wallets' tight grip. We, millennials, are really bad...

DAIRMAN: Tippers.

SAGAL: Tippers, yes, tippers.

KURTIS: Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Millennials, the generation that won't buy diamonds but loves nut milks, are the worst tippers. This is according to a survey from creditcards.com - sounds like a totally legit place for both survey results and credit cards.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We are sympathetic to millennials. It must really be hard to tip your mom after dinner.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here's the thing, though. In fact, tipping culture now has gotten so weird. It used to be really anonymous. They give you your little bill, they walk away, you slid in a few cents and a button from your pocket and you run.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now, because it's all, you know, electronic, they...

MO ROCCA: Right, right.

SAGAL: ...Turn that little iPad around, and they're staring at you. And you look at the choices, and it's, like, tip - 20 percent, 30 percent, support me through college.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Adopt me.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: OK, Tara here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Steamed milk isn't snootay (ph) or haughtay (ph) yet reveals my political partay. Cup of joe or flat white - both might lean the right. I'm a liberal, so I drink a...

DAIRMAN: Latte.

SAGAL: Latte, yes. Science has proven that latte-drinking liberals actually exist. The research comes from the University of Pennsylvania - says people who prefer lattes at their coffee bar are more left leaning. But the real surprise is that Trump supporters prefer their coffee black.

(LAUGHTER)

FAITH SALIE: Wow.

SAGAL: The study didn't offer much of a connection. Liberals are more comfortable maybe trying foreign-sounding things. Or maybe it's conservatives know better than to spend $9 on lukewarm melted ice cream.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: We, kids, were just trying to help. We endorse sprinkle doughnuts and kelp. But our raving reviews simply failed to amuse. Now we kids can no longer use...

DAIRMAN: Yelp.

SAGAL: Yelp.

KURTIS: Yes.

SAGAL: What is - surely this is actually kind of ironic that you got this question considering your book. In what is surely the worst thing to happen to kids this week, Yelp is banning third-graders from writing restaurant reviews.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: For years, a Boston teacher assigned her third-grade students to write restaurant reviews for the site. This provided vital information for the Boston dining community, such as, quote, "the green stuff at Village Sushi is really spicy. I do not know what it is for."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And I love the grilled cheese at Applebee's. I give it five boogers.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Could it just be those third-graders were lousy tippers?

SAGAL: It's possible.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yelp shut down the teacher's account, saying it violates the term of service. The kids aren't old enough to post reviews, and it's confusing to Yelp users that an Office Depot got raves for its delicious assortment of paste.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Tara do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Tara did great - 3 and 0. You won, Tara.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Tara.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "FOOD, GLORIOUS FOOD")

UNIDENTIFIED ACTORS: (As characters, singing) Food, glorious food. What is there more handsome? Gulped, swallowed or chewed, still worth a king's ransom. What is it we dream about? Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.